Blog Envy

So I obsessed with Pioneer Woman, I think I have mentioned that previously?

If you don't believe me well let's look at the last 2 meals I have made for dinner:

That would be her recipe for Chicken in Mustard Cream Sauce. I have to say I absolutely love the picture itself too, taken with my phone none the less. Awesomeness. It is so delicious and super easy to make. For me who is eating low carb again it is meat central.

Last night I made this:

That would be her recipe for BBQ Comfort Meatballs. I made them before sitting down to the Bruins game (screw you Ottawa) knowing we would be able to chow down on the leftovers for a few days or so. My husband took his 1st bite, turned to me and said "I love you". Yes these meatballs are THAT good.

Also yes I am aware mashed potatoes are not low carb but it was the 1/2c serving I am allotted, you never really know how small a 1/2 a cup of mashed potatoes are until you see them on your tiny plate looking like a molehill, not a mountain. Sigh.

So as I digress, I love Pioneer Woman. Anyone who has never visited her site absolutely needs to do so because not only are he recipes AMAZING and delicious (I have only made like 30 of them or something) she is funny, smart and has an awesome life on her ranch with her 4 children and cowboy husband (swoon).

I also came across another food blog, So Delushious written by model Christine Teigen. Not only does she do the low carb thing, she too is obsessed with Pioneer Woman. Also she is engaged to John Legend who I not only adore musically but definitely used to lust after. So we have a lot in common minus her jet setting oh and the fact that she is a seriously knock out beautiful. Oh wells.

So I get jealous of these blogs. I would so love to be a serious food blogger but I sometimes wonder if there are too many of them to begin with. I also am not super creative with new recipes, I mean I usually do tweak existing recipes some and try to make them my own but to actually create a recipe on my own, that is a completely different task.

So I am wondering, do I just continue bitching and moaning about my fertility issues or move forward with some actual food blogging.

Best of both worlds maybe I should do both. Who knows, gonna think it over.

Me Time

So the last couple of weeks have been full of a number of ups and downs for me, both emotionally and physically. So unfortunately the last thing in my thoughts was updating this. How remiss of me.

Still struggling with the whole fertility thing. I have a couple of good days when I am positive and excited about everything. The next day I will be battling the demons and fears I have about it and it could take a day or 2 to work myself out of my funk.

I hate being in funks, then again I love to wallow in them.

I just learned how to properly stab myself with a needle and started my insulin injections, cheers for getting my A1C in check. I could of course do without the nausea and headaches but you must feel worse to feel better. Yeah I agree, sounds like total BS to me too.

We celebrated my hubby's 27th birthday last Friday and had an awesome weekend with him and his cousin Derrick and his girlfriend Sue. We went to Foxwoods for the weekend and saw Lynyrd Skynyrd. My Dad unexpectedly decided to come after telling me he wasn't. Unfortunately we had plans and commitments so it was hard to juggle them around and I didn't spend as much time with him as he wanted. To say he is pissed is an understatement.

Sometimes you just can't win.

Well this weekend is pretty busy and next weekend I turn 30. When did going uphill turn into going downhill. Anyone know? Anybody?

So Alone

So today I took my 1st steps towards our fertility treatment. I needed to have my uterus scoped to make sure that everything is OK and to also road map everything for the IVF. They want to know how to get to my uterus in order to implant the fertilized eggs assuming we can get to that stage.

It is scary how indefinite it could be.

I finally read through all of the steps and stages of the IVF treatment. To be blunt, I am kind of terrified of everything. All of the risks to myself and possible chromosonal defects for my baby. It it just surreal and scares me, so much. I thought I was stronger than this.

Worst case risk to me is damage down to my lady parts during the harvesting of my eggs which would result in a hystarectomy. That would mean my body, which has no difficulties getting pregnant, would be barren. I just hate feeling like I am the only one taking all the risks and suffering just to get pregnant.

I am just scared and hurting like hell. That scoping procedure which would be only "uncomfortable" and finished once it got "unbearable" was complete bullshit.

It was "unbearable" for like 5 minutes. It wasn't just "uncomfortable" either, it hurt like hell. I am still hurting now, like 6 + hours after the procedure. I get to deal with the cramps for a possible couple of days too.

I just feel so alone, no friends or family have gone through IVF or fertility issues. I am here just suffering in pain, scared of what's to come, angry that my husband has it easy in the treatments and I am the only one taking the risks.

I just pray that the ends justify the means and we have a healthy baby (or 2) as a result. To go through all this fear and pain for naught would leave me heartbroken. The thought of it now is making me tear up.

On that note, going to sprawl out on the couch under my blanket until I pass out. I am just exhausted and pretty deep into the doldrums. Hoping the feeling passes pretty soon. At least faster than the cramps do.

It's a go...

So apparently some people stop by here and check out my blog per my page views on here.

Hello, anyone there? If so, feel free to leave a comment or a hello...something?

So our appointment on Monday went well, Mitch and I should definitely be able to have kids but will definitely need some assistance a la IVF. Upside, my insurance will pretty much cover everything on my end. Downside, it is going to be a lot of work, procedures and pain on my end.

Fun times.

I am just glad we will be able to have little ones. I can't wait to be a Mom. I have to drop a couple (read like 40) pounds prior to the procedure so I will be at my optimal health. If there was ever a reason to lose some weight, this is as good as ever. Also I can pretty much plan out when the procedure can be done so Mitch and I will have to check out our schedules for next year :)

I am excited but a little scared, it is completely uncharted territory. On Monday they will be inserting some type of scope up my uterus in order to map my lady bits for IVF and make sure all is kosher. I will be awake and not sedated for the procedure. I was advised to take Advil prior to because at the point the pain and pressure become unbearable, it will be over. Sounds like fun huh?

Good thing I took Monday off to recoup after my Super Bowl party. Now the day will be spent in Boston again with Mitch. All day. Maybe we can actually do something fun outside of Mass General Hospital. Not holding my breath but worth hoping for.

Super Bowl Party, my house, Sunday. This I am excited about. Not for the game (GIANTS BETTER BE GOING DOWN) but because of all the delicious food I get to prepare and serve up to my guests. I will try to snag pics of the noms before they are devoured. Think pulled pork, wings, dips, cupcakes, and quesadillas. Sooo good.

So until then, go Patriots. Oh and the Bruins, so glad they have a game tonight (and Saturday...and Sunday). Hopefully Lucic will score again, that punk is my boy :)