Blog Envy

So I obsessed with Pioneer Woman, I think I have mentioned that previously?

If you don't believe me well let's look at the last 2 meals I have made for dinner:

That would be her recipe for Chicken in Mustard Cream Sauce. I have to say I absolutely love the picture itself too, taken with my phone none the less. Awesomeness. It is so delicious and super easy to make. For me who is eating low carb again it is meat central.

Last night I made this:

That would be her recipe for BBQ Comfort Meatballs. I made them before sitting down to the Bruins game (screw you Ottawa) knowing we would be able to chow down on the leftovers for a few days or so. My husband took his 1st bite, turned to me and said "I love you". Yes these meatballs are THAT good.

Also yes I am aware mashed potatoes are not low carb but it was the 1/2c serving I am allotted, you never really know how small a 1/2 a cup of mashed potatoes are until you see them on your tiny plate looking like a molehill, not a mountain. Sigh.

So as I digress, I love Pioneer Woman. Anyone who has never visited her site absolutely needs to do so because not only are he recipes AMAZING and delicious (I have only made like 30 of them or something) she is funny, smart and has an awesome life on her ranch with her 4 children and cowboy husband (swoon).

I also came across another food blog, So Delushious written by model Christine Teigen. Not only does she do the low carb thing, she too is obsessed with Pioneer Woman. Also she is engaged to John Legend who I not only adore musically but definitely used to lust after. So we have a lot in common minus her jet setting oh and the fact that she is a seriously knock out beautiful. Oh wells.

So I get jealous of these blogs. I would so love to be a serious food blogger but I sometimes wonder if there are too many of them to begin with. I also am not super creative with new recipes, I mean I usually do tweak existing recipes some and try to make them my own but to actually create a recipe on my own, that is a completely different task.

So I am wondering, do I just continue bitching and moaning about my fertility issues or move forward with some actual food blogging.

Best of both worlds maybe I should do both. Who knows, gonna think it over.

Me Time

So the last couple of weeks have been full of a number of ups and downs for me, both emotionally and physically. So unfortunately the last thing in my thoughts was updating this. How remiss of me.

Still struggling with the whole fertility thing. I have a couple of good days when I am positive and excited about everything. The next day I will be battling the demons and fears I have about it and it could take a day or 2 to work myself out of my funk.

I hate being in funks, then again I love to wallow in them.

I just learned how to properly stab myself with a needle and started my insulin injections, cheers for getting my A1C in check. I could of course do without the nausea and headaches but you must feel worse to feel better. Yeah I agree, sounds like total BS to me too.

We celebrated my hubby's 27th birthday last Friday and had an awesome weekend with him and his cousin Derrick and his girlfriend Sue. We went to Foxwoods for the weekend and saw Lynyrd Skynyrd. My Dad unexpectedly decided to come after telling me he wasn't. Unfortunately we had plans and commitments so it was hard to juggle them around and I didn't spend as much time with him as he wanted. To say he is pissed is an understatement.

Sometimes you just can't win.

Well this weekend is pretty busy and next weekend I turn 30. When did going uphill turn into going downhill. Anyone know? Anybody?

So Alone

So today I took my 1st steps towards our fertility treatment. I needed to have my uterus scoped to make sure that everything is OK and to also road map everything for the IVF. They want to know how to get to my uterus in order to implant the fertilized eggs assuming we can get to that stage.

It is scary how indefinite it could be.

I finally read through all of the steps and stages of the IVF treatment. To be blunt, I am kind of terrified of everything. All of the risks to myself and possible chromosonal defects for my baby. It it just surreal and scares me, so much. I thought I was stronger than this.

Worst case risk to me is damage down to my lady parts during the harvesting of my eggs which would result in a hystarectomy. That would mean my body, which has no difficulties getting pregnant, would be barren. I just hate feeling like I am the only one taking all the risks and suffering just to get pregnant.

I am just scared and hurting like hell. That scoping procedure which would be only "uncomfortable" and finished once it got "unbearable" was complete bullshit.

It was "unbearable" for like 5 minutes. It wasn't just "uncomfortable" either, it hurt like hell. I am still hurting now, like 6 + hours after the procedure. I get to deal with the cramps for a possible couple of days too.

I just feel so alone, no friends or family have gone through IVF or fertility issues. I am here just suffering in pain, scared of what's to come, angry that my husband has it easy in the treatments and I am the only one taking the risks.

I just pray that the ends justify the means and we have a healthy baby (or 2) as a result. To go through all this fear and pain for naught would leave me heartbroken. The thought of it now is making me tear up.

On that note, going to sprawl out on the couch under my blanket until I pass out. I am just exhausted and pretty deep into the doldrums. Hoping the feeling passes pretty soon. At least faster than the cramps do.

It's a go...

So apparently some people stop by here and check out my blog per my page views on here.

Hello, anyone there? If so, feel free to leave a comment or a hello...something?

So our appointment on Monday went well, Mitch and I should definitely be able to have kids but will definitely need some assistance a la IVF. Upside, my insurance will pretty much cover everything on my end. Downside, it is going to be a lot of work, procedures and pain on my end.

Fun times.

I am just glad we will be able to have little ones. I can't wait to be a Mom. I have to drop a couple (read like 40) pounds prior to the procedure so I will be at my optimal health. If there was ever a reason to lose some weight, this is as good as ever. Also I can pretty much plan out when the procedure can be done so Mitch and I will have to check out our schedules for next year :)

I am excited but a little scared, it is completely uncharted territory. On Monday they will be inserting some type of scope up my uterus in order to map my lady bits for IVF and make sure all is kosher. I will be awake and not sedated for the procedure. I was advised to take Advil prior to because at the point the pain and pressure become unbearable, it will be over. Sounds like fun huh?

Good thing I took Monday off to recoup after my Super Bowl party. Now the day will be spent in Boston again with Mitch. All day. Maybe we can actually do something fun outside of Mass General Hospital. Not holding my breath but worth hoping for.

Super Bowl Party, my house, Sunday. This I am excited about. Not for the game (GIANTS BETTER BE GOING DOWN) but because of all the delicious food I get to prepare and serve up to my guests. I will try to snag pics of the noms before they are devoured. Think pulled pork, wings, dips, cupcakes, and quesadillas. Sooo good.

So until then, go Patriots. Oh and the Bruins, so glad they have a game tonight (and Saturday...and Sunday). Hopefully Lucic will score again, that punk is my boy :)

Vicodin Haze

So this entire weekend I basically spent in a Vicodin haze thanks to my painful mouth. I have noticed a few things while in my haze:

1. One vicodin pill will make me not only a little more pain free but also will make me behave like a crackhead since I can't keep still and I am constantly moving. This was good considering the laundry pile and kitchen I had to clean.

2. 2 Vicodin at a time when the pain is at it's absolute worse turns me into a dysfunctional pile of putty only good for hogging the couch and snuggling with Slash. Case in point:

Can you tell I was tired? Slash didn't care that I was drugged up and sleepy, he just plopped down where he was comfortable.

I would be lying if i didn't say I loved it. He is too cute.

Luckily the root canal tooth is feeling better but I have some mysterious (read horrible) pain coming from the other side of my mouth now. I am keeping my fingers crossed I can hold out until my next appointment 2/14. So far, not looking good.

It has been a pretty good week otherwise. I went and helped my friend Sarah with her registry at Target. Seeing all those little baby clothes and things made me realize that there were shortly (4/10) be a little Benjamin actually using them. So crazy, I can't wait. I love babies and I am so excited to be an Auntie. That poor kid, all I am going to do is sniff him like a fiend. I love how babies smell, it is like a direct kick to any women's uterus.

On that note, Mitch and I have our first fertility appointment this Monday. I am nervous and excited all rolled into one. I am kind of scared though of getting bad news. I don't know how I will handle it...going to try and think positive about it though.

So expect an update on that next week. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Needy

So I found out on Wednesday at my dentist appointment that I needed a root canal. This would explain the amount of pain I was in. So my root canal was scheduled for this morning. I was glad because I knew this would mean my pain would finally be relieved. I went to the appointment (definitely some ouchie moments) and was informed I was definitely going to be hurting later today. This meant no work (yay) and a double down on my pain meds (holy crap vicodin).

So as I am sitting home alone well not alone, I had the little man...

I was bored on top of bored. I knew I was going to be home alone for awhile because the hubby was going to visit a brewery with some co-workers after work. I was on Facebook, Twitter anywhere trying to interact with people in my drugged haze. It was then I realized two things:

1. I really miss living back in MA close to my friends and family where drop ins and visits do not require planning.

2. I am needy.

I must have texted my poor husband like a zillion times while he was working. If I wasn't spaced out on painkillers I would have been able to amuse myself, instead I was incapacitated.

I am still bored at the moment though...and I have an uber hankering for ice cream. May the hubby come home baring amusement and dairy...please!

Easy Peasey Weekend...

I love weekends when I have absolutely zero planned. That was my past weekend except it ended up being more busy (and painful) than I anticipated.

Friday evening the hubby and I headed over to Tangy's to get our compound bows fitted for us. What we thought would be maybe an hour there turned into like 3... so all hopes of wrapping up all of our errands on Friday evening for a relaxing weekend at home were quickly deflated. Mitch's bow got refitted and worked on only to be told the entire arrow rest had to be lowered which meant everything else had to be fixed. I had been informed my compound bow did not or would never fit me. So I was kind of sad. Anyways though, we took a mini lesson with a re-curve bow and I am officially in love with archery. I also found out I have to shoot it left handed since my left eye is the dominant one...kind of hard to adjust to for sure. So we headed straight home from Tangy's and collapsed on the couch with food and a beverage.

This is what I woke up to Saturday morning...

I love weekend mornings because when I see something this adorable I can just pig pile into the middle and kiss and snuggle in all parties involved. How can it not be a good day starting out that way?

So Mitch and I went out to breakfast and ran all of our errands only to return around 1ish. We then proceeded to clean up and didn't get to sit down and relax until like 5. I was exhausted at this point but I still made Mitch his mussels in garlic wine sauce. He nommed on that while I scavenged our leftovers. I thought it would be an early night but alas I stayed up to see the Bruins lose (boo) and watch the entire live stream of the PBR from Anaheim, CA on my computer. Austin Meier kicked ass this week...Mike Lee...not so much (boo again).

So Sunday I had big cooking plans that were immediately halted by a bad and I mean baaaaaad toothache. As soon as I ate my breakfast of champions (at 11AM, I slept a little late) of Kix's cereal, my tooth just hurt. So I took some Alieve...no relief. I went upstairs, rebrushed my teeth and rinsed again...nada. Mitch went out and got me some liquid Ambesol...nope only hurt MORE. So I was pretty much debilitated and crying at this point. Tooth pain is the worse. I already had a dentist appointment scheduled for this coming Wednesday but it is not soon enough. Anyhoo, after taking some ibuprofen and chugging crazy water, the tooth finally settled a bit. It felt good enough for me to make my pot roast (another recipe compliments of Pioneer Woman), Mashed Potatoes (they were beyond sinful) and some blackberry cobbler I did up with Splenda.

Dinner was delicious...

This photo does not do it justice. It slow cooked in my cast iron dutch oven for hours in the oven...so tender, so simple yet soooo flavorful.

I got to eat this while watching the PBR so I was happy. Sadly I did not get intoxicated this weekend like I wanted to...or work on making babies repeatedly. It is OK, there is always next weekend :)